We're alive

“It'd be easy to add up all the pain
and all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me; I'm alive”
-- Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews

I’m six months, yesterday.  

I was at a dead end last week, sinking fast and pulling everyone down with me; sleeping on miseries did nothing for me and we’re better than that! I came to the conclusion that I’m lucky. I’m alive. No one can change my inner happiness or the outcome of what I want -- but me. I finally realized that it’s time to grow up.

I joined a volunteer group and I’m finding more ways to keep myself occupied; like even a writer’s group around Boston; meeting up with old friends that keep me smiling and not the other way around. I’ve also been trying to meet new people and we all know that being a distant wreck wasn’t going to help. The weather around Boston has also been so beautiful.

It’s so refreshing to be around smells and colors of a new beginning.

I’m sorry for last week; I was zoomed in on what was and how I couldn’t control it, but didn’t realize it was the complete opposite. Everything is happening for a reason, to test me and teach me; to show myself who I am through thick and thin and who I’m suppose to be after all is said and done. All of this is happening; I’m pregnant, twenty and alone. I shouldn’t go into tilt mode and pretend like it’s all going to go away and fix it’s self. I wasn’t being me.

I think that we’re all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for. We shouldn’t be trying to control the world and even our lives. It’s impossible. We all underestimate how fast the world is turning; how we can all feel on top of the world then spin ourselves out of control. We should simply be thankful for what we have and more than anything that we’re alive.